I recently read an insightful book – “The Power of Meaning” by Emily Esfahani Smith

I was very interested in the topic, because when I help people discover their ideal career, “meaning” is one of the key factors we explore to identify what fulfills them. And it’s usually the hardest one to figure out, because there is no simple assessment that can tell us what gives us meaning and we aren’t taught much about it.

In her book, Emily shares that there are 4 pillars of meaning:
1.    Belonging
2.    Purpose
3.    Storytelling
4.    Transcendence

Where I Found Belonging

It struck me that Belonging was on top of the list. So I started to think about where I have found belonging. When I was working at different companies, there definitely was a sense of belonging. More so in some groups than others, but it was something that I actively tried to create as well.

As a solopreneur, one of the hardest things was to give up the sense of belonging I had when working with a team. I found it in different ways: Meeting people when I went through coach training and programs or when working as an independent contractor for organizations.

While these were great ways to meet others and work together towards a similar goal, they were fleeting. I loved meeting some wonderful people along the way, but when the program ended, that sense of belonging slowly evaporated.

My more enduring sources of belonging actually came from outside of work. I found a lot of great community through dancing over the years. It feels great to put in time and effort towards something together. End of last year I joined a new dance team, and because the whole group practices and performs together frequently it feels like an even stronger bond.

When I Questioned Whether I Belong

It sounds very simple – join a group or an organization and gain a sense of belonging! But I have noticed that even when I was part of a group, I have questioned whether I belong or not a lot.

Since I am half Japanese and grew up in Germany during a time when there wasn’t much diversity, I was always aware that I was different. And when I went to Japanese school on Saturdays, I was different again, since I was half Caucasian.

But race is only one factor – I would find other ways to believe that I was different and that I therefore didn’t belong. And of course, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

How I Changed How I Felt About Belonging

I realized that I could ask myself a different question: What would I do if I felt like I belonged?

If I felt like I belonged, I would initiate conversations without being afraid of rejection, I would participate actively, and I would take more initiative. And if I acted in that way, others would be more likely to feel that I belonged, too, and treat me that way.

Now that I know that belonging is a key component of meaning, I am realizing the importance of it more than ever. And I am glad I know that it is something I have the power to actively create.

I choose to feel like I belong. 😍